In our society, people equate being ‘selfish’ with being arrogant or unhelpful. But, as a reformed people-pleaser, I realised a while ago that putting others’ needs above my own all of the time left me with very little energy to take care of myself. For me, learning to be more ‘selfish’ was about understanding I didn’t have to be a martyr to be a good partner, colleague or friend. Selfishness is about seeing the intrinsic value of your worth and your time, and about creating healthy boundaries to preserve that. It’s the practical side of ‘self-care’ - a concept we’re all far more comfortable with.” Beware the myths about boundaries Being helpful is nice. But too much of anything is always bad. The people that you are helping need to learn how to help themselves. Realistically, you will not be available forever. Plus, how many times have you done a “favor” only to see the person you helped use their new free time for something fun you could be doing.

The author uses the concept of 'childhood trauma' a little too liberally for my tastes. Any and all issues with boundaries she, without hesitation, attributes to some parenting failure you had to endure as a child. There are lots of terms like self-love and self-care, but what exactly do they mean?’ asks Michelle. If you’ve ever had questions about dating and if it was about you. TSR is here to walk you through those tough times to remind you of your worth and give you answers to questions you sometimes long to get from the partner involved. It’s okay to feel lost at times in the dating world although it’s not okay to blame yourself. Michelle allows you to identify what means something to you and how to lift your worth up by finding the love for oneself first.”Silence is another useful tool: You don’t have to participate in a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable. People do notice, Elman said. If they don’t and insist on engaging you in an uncomfortable topic, she suggested saying, “Can we change the conversation to something more interesting?” Expect life to change

Author and life coach, Michelle Elman, is here to show you how to say no and take control. 'No' makes you strong. 'No' makes you confident. 'No' makes you realise your worth and what you deserve.

One of the main problems around setting a boundary with your best friend or partner is you fear of losing them. When you have a support network you have other people to rely on.’ Dominic Cummings' face is a picture as names he called ministers are read out Build a relationship with your body

Elman tried an experiment she called her “Year of No.” She decided to say “no” to anything she didn’t want to do — without having to give a reason. Sample answers to invitations included “I thought about it and it’s a no from me” or “Unfortunately, I can’t make it work.” It felt awkward and clumsy at first, but towards the end of the year, it became second nature and she’s still following the rule today. Boundaries allow for connection and intimacy with the right people, but they are not to be confused with walls, and grudges. It’s not about cutting people off or pushing them away.’ I received this advanced review copy of the book from a Publisher’s Weekly giveaway. I have already learned the lessons described in this book. However, both my best friend and my daughter will totally benefit from reading The Joy of Being Selfish. Now to decide which one to loan it to first. 5 stars!Choosing to have a conversation about something that matters to you can initially be difficult, and no one can guarantee that every conversation will work out perfectly. But the results of establishing and upholding our boundaries is definitely worth it. Often, we don’t stand up for ourselves because we fear people will like us less, especially at work. But having good boundaries actually leads to clearer communication and mutual respect with our colleagues and, ultimately, a happier workplace, which is a far better thing for our self-esteem.” Growing up is a minefield. You have to navigate new friendships, new teachers, your body changes, people are kissing, there never seems to be enough hours in the day ... and why is everyone suddenly posting their breakfast on social media?! Think of it as vocalizing what you want, asking for what you need and being very clear and honest about your boundaries. Many people — especially women — feel guilty about being direct or saying “no,” but they need to stop thinking they’re hurting others by doing so.

To get comfortable saying “no,” it may be easier to practice with strangers first, then trying it with friends and family. Banish guilt or the fear of being disliked Michelle Elman, writing simply and explicitly, has outlined clearly how to go about setting your own boundaries and personalising the process. Despite its challenging title, The Joy Of Being Selfish is an important book for those who want to reflect on their own position in life. Author An honest and authentic piece of writing on the nuances of dating, romance and relationships - even the relationship we have with ourselves. I love that Michelle is able to empathetically hold the reader accountable whilst understanding the complexities of modern dating. Interesting, witty, informative and empowering.” Admittedly, if you are a single parent of several young children, this book won’t magically send Mary Poppins to your house. But if you are solving everyone else in your orbit’s problems, this book will give you concrete reasons and methods to nip that behavior in the bud.

This is the third book in a row with 5 stars?? Maybe I need to stop reading so many amazing books. Anyways, this is an extremely valuable book and I’m glad I finally got around to buying and reading it. It’s one of those books I could see being on read-before-you-die lists. Boundaries have been this buzz-word that I’ve used in my new years resolutions but I wasn’t exactly sure what that looked like until this book. Seeing social media posts from Michelle already helped me a lot with topics covered in this book, but isn’t it convenient and comforting that it’s in this little easy-to-read book too? I would highly recommend this book for anyone, honestly. Hopefully, I’ll be applying the things I learned to my life :> Boundaries are how we communicate what is acceptable and what is not,’ she adds. ‘They are essential for self-esteem, confidence and personal power. When you demand respect, your self-respect flourishes and you will have much better idea of your self-worth.’ Michelle has the ability to rewire the way your brain thinks and you’ll be thankful that she has. If you need a firm hand to pull you through the world of dating and out the other side a happier person, Michelle is that. Your highlighter will run out of ink by the time you finish this book. Insightful, direct, and oh-so-full of respect. This is the book every woman should read once in their life." According to Michelle, setting some basic boundaries for time management and friendships is a good way to start. In fact, boundaries are more important than ever if you’re working from home and need to re-set your work/life balance. Do you frequently say 'yes' to people and events to keep those around you happy? Do you often find yourself emotionally exhausted and physically drained? Do people describe you as a pushover or 'too nice'? It's time to discover the joy of being selfish and reclaim your life through the art of boundaries!