My cousin makes them, he owns the factory, makes them out in Germany, best industrial standards in the world; sells them on TV on the Shopping Channel. I like to beat him.

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I do ten minutes. The song that never ends. I do ten minutes then I roll over and I do ten more. Busy show, people start coming around at nine, I’ll be full flow from ten and go on until six – later if they let me. When do I piss, when do I eat? If it’s a busy day I don’t. No word of a lie. Eight hours, six goes an hour. Do the math. He does five rounds with the Cheese Mill, then he allows himself a smoke. And all the time he’s just waiting for that smoke. He’s pushing his Cheese Mill, showing what it can do to onions, peanut M&Ms, even a boiled egg, but he’s flat, he’s tired; he hates it. He’s a professional, he still manages to push those Mills, but he won’t last. You gotta love it.But you like the idea of a family business. You like the idea of healthy competition, we like the idea of success. You buy into it. But more than likely, they’re buying. They’re reasonable, they wanted one. They’re getting three for free, it’s only fair that they contribute. There’s a logic to it that most people won’t refuse. Fair is fair. They’re embarrassed about trying to cheat the system. And once one has sold, watch the line form up, and the more people buying, the more people want to buy. It’s logical. It’s sensible. These people are all getting Shammies, do I want to be the only muggins going home without one? Tell you something special. Often people will join the queue who weren’t even in the crowd. Isn’t that neat? They’ll be buying two rolls of Shammies, not even sure what they are. No one wants to miss out. Out I pour the cola — well it’s not cola, it’s water with a bit of food colouring in it. You have to change the bottle occasionally. The label scuffs, gets faded. Like those guys who sell waffles with Nutella on them, only the Nutella jar’s a hundred years old. You won’t catch me at that game. I buy the economy brand cola— nobody wants to see Coca Cola wasted, that’s sacrilege, right? Baking Cage – Use the baking cage to cook french fries, wedges, roasted root veges, prawns or any other foods that require constant turning to achieve even cooking.

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The free is the fantasy, the want is the reality. The Shammy is desired, and if there’s one thing we like to do, that’s service our desires. We’ve all agreed we want a Shammy, next step is even simpler than logic. We’re gonna get a Shammy. The ePromo Miracle Shammy is your new best friend. It is twice the size of a leather shammy yet ten times more versatile. Wash, dry, wax, buff, polish – all with the same cloth. Use instead of paper towels and watch the money you will save. Big mess? Use it like a sponge. No other material known to man soaks up water like the Miracle Shammy. Option You go into the services on the M7 down near Moneygall. It’s a plaza, if you please. You want a coffee, you hit “Large” hold out the regular-sized cup, it’ll fill it up properly. You pay for the regular but you get a large. Think about it though: it’s still only the regular. You’re getting what you pay for. Not an easy thing to do. Think we all agree on that.

How about those sweaters that can’t go in the tumble dryer? You know the ones taking up space in the hot press for days, turning it into a steam room, coming out covered in mushrooms? Or hogging the banisters on the landing for a week, always damp under the armpits? Take that jumper, roll it up in the Shammy. Fifteen minutes later it’s ready to wear. Made of a unique material called PVA (Poly Vinyl Alcohol), The Absorber is vastly superior to a terrycloth towel and leather chamois. A uniform, sponge-like pore structure enhances capillary action, giving The Absorber drying capabilities no other product can match. Besides being the best drying cloth for cars & boats it is soft on materials like fiberglass, The Absorber has endless uses that include: cooling your skin in the summer or after a workout, and drying your dog! With proper care The Absorber lasts for years and can be stored moist and ready to use in its handy tube. And? He was a natural, right? Better than I ever could be. I couldn’t get him off the crate behind the counter. He had if off perfect, even added a twist or two of his own. By the end of the day he’d sold every Shammy I’d brought with me. Had an empty van going home. Right?

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ed stammering, his hands go up, starts that whine they have. He was only interested. Curiosity got the better of him. He was only looking, his hands are empty. He’s begging me to look at his hands. You know what I did, right? I slammed the sliding door on him. The lights go out, I’m up in the cab with the engine started before he can find the handle. And then I’m gone. Who wants a free one? You, madam? Give the lady a cheer, she’s brave enough to put her hand up. I’ll show you what I’m going to do. Here’s what I’m going to give you for free. Here’s a Shammy, keep this in your vehicle, line the floor with it. Here’s another, cut it into quarters, never use a kitchen towel again. And today I’m feeling really generous, so here’s a third one. Keep it for those jumpers, or those big disaster spills. He’s your big gun. Fold him up and save him for when things really get going. Next free thing – I haven’t finished giving things away – the instructions sheet: how to look after Shammy, in case you’ve forgotten anything I’ve told you here today. Now watch, I roll them all up together. Last free thing: the rubber band. It’s important. Keep ahold of that. You’ll need that to go around the big wad of cash you’re going to save from never having to buy another paper towel as long as you live. Hardwood floors – they don’t have too many of them in Doncaster, but they get the same treatment as everywhere else. I get my square of carpet out, have to change it every so often, but it lasts a while. I have a bunch of them in a bag in the van. Beige, medium pile. The most important prop. For cleaning windows and mirrors, make sure that your Shammy is thoroughly broken in – the more you use it, the better it gets! Pull in one direction only for a streak free effect.Brings me on to my favourite type of animal. That’s right, the party animal. We all know him, right? Drinks all your 12-year-old scotch, can’t handle it, then dumps it all over the floor? Guess what? The kid likes to give it a go. I told him to, early on, when there was no crowd, just schoolchildren wandering around. I threw him in at the deep end. Kids are the pits. You get one over on a kid, you’re a magician, and they never have any money. What’s the point right? So I told the kid to put on the headset. He’d been watching me for months, heard the patter a thousand times. Of course Madam I’ll-Have-Something-for-Free is already at the counter. Sometimes she’s plain got her hand held out. Often they’ll run for it, sometimes they’ll even want to argue their case. How are they going to win an argument they’ve only had once and I’ve had gazillion times? They want one for free. They can have one but they have to buy one first, I can’t just give them away. On what planet do people go around throwing out free things? Even aliens have children to feed. I’m full out weeping thinking about it, I don’t know why. There’s something wrong with me. I’ll cry for no reason at all some days. I was watching, of course I was, I never take my eye off him. I gave him the two enthusiastic thumbs up, hustled over for a high five. The two tens are on the counter. One for me, one for you I told him. Once you’ve got a hand up, bang, you’re good to start selling. You’ve got the confirmation. They want a Shammy. They’ve just admitted it. They want one for free, well and good. For them the “free” is the important thing. But the real thing we’ve identified here, the important thing that this spokesperson for the crowd – and they are the spokesperson, because everyone else is still there, show’s over, the people who aren’t interested have jogged on – the important thing is that the crowd leader, the chief of the clan, has just very publicly announced that the Shammy is wanted. And everyone else wants to see what happens next.

Miracle Shammy: How to Wash and Detail your Car or Truck Miracle Shammy: How to Wash and Detail your Car or Truck

It is the song that never ends: yes it goes on and on my friend, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll go on a-singing it if only just because. . . it is the song that never ends: you know the rest. Wash with the ePromo Miracle Shammy, wring the shammy thoroughly and pull in one direction. Polish with the Window Shammy dry. Caring for your ePromo Miracle Shammy

Create and Craft Club is our exclusive membership that gives you great benefits including Discount on all products and exclusive member only benefits. View More You’re worrying about your hardwood floor, not that you have one, not that you’re even sure exactly what one is. And if you did have one, why would you have a shitty carpet covering it up? But you know it means something, a hardwood floor, and you don’t want that rotting away. You don’t want the smell soaking into it. Super absorbent – Spend less time drying and more time enjoying life with this super absorbent towel An amazing German made textile, the Miracle Shammy absorbs up to twelve times its own weight in liquid. We're sorry.We're sorry, this product is not available at this time. Use the search bar to find similar items.