When I was thirteen I woke up in the middle of the night and found my brother pissing in my typewriter case. I decided there and then that there must be something wonderful about alcohol." After changing his appearance to elude arrest: "Fashion and thuggery have never gone hand in hand. My hair had not benefited further from a fitful night's sleep. It looked like toffee poured into an icicle mold, briittle and unwieldy, the bruising on my face, all but invisible in the yellowed light of my room, was more noticeable but ignored, as most everyone was too busy looking at my jaggedy hair. My skin was pale and chalky and my eyes red from an alcohol sleep. They wouldn't have sold me glue in a do-it-yourself shop."

Later, when Starkey attempts to call Patricia, he hears her being kidnapped on the other end of the line. When the police suspect Starkey for the murder of Margaret and her mother, as well as the kidnapping of Patricia, Starkey is forced to tell the entire story to Parker. Parker reluctantly agrees to help Starkey. I wouldn’t consider Dan to be the hero of these books, but in fact the stereotypical anti-hero. He suffers from many flaws, he cheats on his wife constantly, is a hardened alcoholic, smokes like a train, has doubts about his stepson and how he should treat another man’s child, and hates the other man. Dan also has a vulnerable side, most evident perhaps in Of Wee Sweetie Mice, when Patricia has returned to Belfast, and Dan wanders the streets of New York in search of company. He eventually seeks solace in a peep show where his only intent is to talk. I have to say that I totally disagree with the other comments on this film. Apart from the excess of swearing (am a bit of a prude), I found this film to be funny and a refreshing change from all the doom/gloom and disaster that seems to be normally associated with productions centering around Northern Ireland/Ulster/The Province (see movie for reference and explanation). There is a lot in the movie that I can relate to for some reason, even though I am Scottish, not Irish and have never lived amongst "The Troubles". The story (and screen play adapted by the author - an Irishman - so not quite sure where the comment about poor representation by the British comes in) is a simple one, and shows the humour and sense of openness and idea of ridiculousness displayed and recognised by the Irish. It doesn't hide the fact that there no go areas in Belfast and its surrounds, it doesn't hide the fact that there is violence going on, but neither does it hide the fact that the Irish are warm, funny, intelligent human beings. I enjoyed David Thewlis' performance, but feel that he is a very under-rated actor, being used for mostly "baddies" or yokel character parts on both sides of the Atlantic. That being said and done, this was a first novel, and it was more than good enough. I would hope that with time, the author has achieved more depth and complexity. Even he if he hasn’t – it’s still very very funny.

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gun-toting nun' and Thewlis captured-by-his-enemies -only-to-miraculously-escape a few too many times, you could do

DAN STARKEY is a Belfast born-and-bred reporter (as is his creator, Colin Bateman). He’s a cynic and an alcoholic, and so far, the hero (or more precisely, the anti-hero) of four novels and one film, loosely based on the first novel. I’d heard good things about Colin Bateman, and decided to start with his first, a 1998 thriller set during the troubles in Northern Ireland. What will Northern Ireland do when peace breaks out? Make movies about ordinary life? Colin Bateman's screenplay treats the Troubles as an appendage to The Godfather, except he's determined to see the funny side. Cold-blooded brutality and inebriated humour sit uncomfortably together. The action in the novel is intense, the emotions extreme. Dan Starkey finds himself at the epicenter of a vortex propelled by three engines: wife Patricia catching him kissing Margaret, his unwittingly selling a much sought after cassette tape, his involvement as a journalist with an American interviewing the country's future Prime Minister.

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Northern Irish columnist Dan Starkey and American journalist Charles Parker are sent out to cover the upcoming elections, in which the charismatic, former victim of the war, Michael Brinn seems the obvious winner, campaigning on a platform of disarmament and peace between the warring factions in Northern Ireland. Starkey, however, is not impressed with Brinn's promises, believing he has heard it from politicians before. What does the model for Sean think of Nutcase? “He hasn’t read it yet or seen any of the clips we’ve put up for promotional purposes. He’s coming to the premiere so that will be interesting.” Given the current tension over ownership of stories, I was surprised the writer didn’t want his subject to read it. “ He didn’t want to. It’s a holdover from the illness, which doesn’t go away. He’s doing extremely well, but, from being a great reader, he tends not to read anything now, as the concentration isn’t there. Who knows the cause? It could be the illness or it could be the extremely strong medication he takes.” Colin Bateman provides readers with a hefty dose of what it must have been like to live in Belfast during the Northern Ireland conflict ('The Troubles') that lasted thirty years beginning in the 1960s, a time when Protestants and Catholics clashed night and day.

a b Hardyment, Christina (28 November 1998). "Books: Spoken Word – Arts & Entertainment". The Independent . Retrieved 19 January 2012. [ dead link]I guess this movie is about secrets, the truth, and how peace is really only a shallow lie that is used to cover up huge amounts of tension. This movie is a very strong mouthpiece that reports on the violence that is tearing Northern Ireland apart, and Don Starky is the person who controls the mouthpiece. A couple of times he comments of the number of names that Northern Ireland has because of the number of people that are competing over control of this small state: the British and the Irish, the Protestants and the Catholics. The Irish want freedom from the British, but under that there is a huge religious tension that is constantly ripping the country apart - and every time a peace plan comes along, it is only shortlived before something happens which rips the country apart again. It is interesting to note that Scotland and Wales are gaining their own parliaments now. Still, though the references to Northern Ireland politics may confuse some readers, the Hiaasen-esque prevails. More recently, Bateman has started the Mystery Man series, about the owner of a struggling mystery bookshop in Belfast, who has to contend with the abandoned clients of the detective agency next door that goes bust. Bateman knows exactly how strong due to an occasion featured in the play. “At my advanced years I would take a cholesterol pill at night, and, at the same time, I would give my son his three night pills. I accidentally took one of his, and I ended up in an ambulance after waking up unable to talk or move. The paramedics had to put a pair of trousers on me. And my son takes three of those.” What does the model for Sean think of Nutcase? “He hasn’t read it yet or seen any of the clips we’ve put up for promotional purposes. He’s coming to the premiere, so that will be interesting.” Given the current tension about ownership of stories, I was surprised the writer didn’t want his subject to read it. “He didn’t want to. It’s a holdover from the illness, which doesn’t go away. He’s doing extremely well, but, from being a great reader, he tends not to read anything now, as the concentration isn’t there. Who knows the cause? It could be the illness or it could be the extremely strong medication he takes.” As long ago as the 1990s, Bateman’s trademark of writing comically about horrific subjects brought accusations of inappropriate tone, which can only have increased in a time of “trigger warnings” and prepublication “sensitivity readings”. Does he feel his imagination is more constrained? “I’m not aware of being more careful. I think it’s a dangerous way of writing if you are working within such limits. But there is probably, somewhere in there now, an in-built censorship, in that you know there are just things you can’t say. One of my books is called Mohammed Maguire and that wouldn’t be published now. But I am aware of possibly controversial language in the play, and haven’t been asked to change anything.” So is theatre braver than publishing? “It seems so. But I’m going to find out when the play meets an audience.”